The Rhino's Vision:
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this evenings main event! On the visitor's side, with an 8-6-1 record, hailing from North Tonawanda New York, the SFFL PUNK-ASS ROOKIE representing the Northern Conference from the Northwest Division...N3V1L! [Thunderous applause fills the air.]
A hanging out on the home sideline, hailing from Tonawanda New York, returning to the Cross-Dressed Championship for their fifth time, the 1998 SFFL Champions, weighing in with a record of 10-5, it's your Private's Parts! [More hunderous applause fills the air.]
So here we go folks, the rookie takes on a wily old veteran. Nellie might never have been here, but the Parts certainly are familiar with being at the big dance. And I'm sure they have very clear memories of their 13-2 run and attending it with the then rookie Dynamic Duo (6-9) in 2001. The Parts came into that game as an obvious heavy favorite and were thumped pretty well 97-79 in a stunning upset that no one could predicted...not even the mighty Rhino. Oh the bitter tears. But it wasn't their first chomp on the 'ol humble pie. In 1996 they lost to the SCUM 39-17. And then in 1997 they got a rematch and lost again. This time it was 47-34. But in 1998 they finally reached the top by shooting the Elephants 101-84 in probably one of the best match ups we've ever seen.
I'm sure the Parts may have entertained the notion a rematch with the Dynamic Duo where they would be the victorious underdog. But no! No revenge for you say N3! Nellie scored the big upset of the playoffs last week by slaying the giant 109-69. Very impressive from a team that was left for dead coming down the finishing stretch. But they coughed up a meager 48 point to beat the Doughboys in the final regular season game to assure themselves a playoff slot. They then put the cart back on the rails and rode the Rough Riders out of town 98-74. So they are back to their early season form just in time for the hoedown. So, without further ado, let's break it down:
QB: N3LV1L has used both Delhomme and Hasselbeck through out the season, but it's been Delhomme for the playoffs. Two fairly even competent QB's that can make picking the right one each week a headache. So who does he use this week? Does he change horses this week? One of the bigest reasons the Parts are here can be summed up in one word: Culpepper. Advantage Private's Parts (no matter who N3V1L starts).
RB's: Another big reason the Parts are here is the late season pounding that he's put on people with Corey Dillon. Just ask the Fighting Lounge Chairs who saw their first trip to the big dance stomped into the ground by this horse. He will likely be paired with Julius Jones this week. Nev will likely go with Bettis and Dunn again this week. Advantage: N3V1L for the pair, but Parts when you consider the schedule.
WR's: Driver-Smith/Smith for N3, Evans-Lelie for the Parts. Advantage: N3V1L.
K: N3-Carney, Parts-Kaeding. Push.
Defense: N3-Tampa Bay, Parts-Pittsburgh...who tried real hard to drag them down last week. Advantage: Stats say Parts, I say N3V1L.
Intangibles: N3V1L probably shouldn't be here if it weren't for the grace of God. The Parts saw the face of God until Dillion bailed them out on Monday Night. Advantage N3V1L.
The Parts should take this game, but N3V1L has had the hot hand in the clutch. But I just see Culpepper igniting the Green Bay defense and leading the Parts to their second Cross-Dressed Championship. And if that's not the case, somebody cut the phone line between the Parts and league offices. ;)
The Rhino says...Private's Parts win by +7.
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