Date: 18 Dec 2001, 10:53:58 AM
Subject: Dungeon Masters Regular Season Award Program.
While the regular season is still fresh in everyone's mind, it's time to
give out some awards. There's no money to be handed out, just the
disrespect of your fellow league members...
About Face; Backwards, March! Award :THRAK
Never have so many, played so little...
Our defending champ returned to defend his title with a backfield that
included Jamal Anderson, Fred Taylor, and Mike Anderson. Post draft
euphoria/hype/disillusionment let Thrak to proclaim all was well and he'd
defend his title. But by week 13 they wheels had fallen off the apple cart,
Moe Williams, Ben Gay, and Aspercreme were adorning the Thrak sidelines.
The mighty have fallen - the king IS dead. Begin your detachment to the Joe
Barbie because he's movin' like the 2-timing tramp he is!
Smoke and Mirror Award: Tigersharks
If ya can't beat em, fool em all !!!
Once the harsh reality of being average settled upon the Sharks, Team
management adopted a "play as many as you can" philosophy. Last minute
waiver grabs and 11th hour roster changes became the modus apperendai. This
tactic wreaked havoc on everyone (including the sharks opponents). The
Sharks ran players in and out of his lineup faster than a new rooster in a
3 story hen-house. It all came to a screeching halt when the Commish
wielded his supreme authority and decreed a might kibosh too all the Tom
Foolery. The sharks were never the same after that. It was too late in the
season to spin any new tricks.
Prodigal Son Makes Bad Award: Elephants
Ander, we hardly knew ya!
The mighty Elephants were a mere shadow of themselves this year. Punching
in with a 4W 9L effort. Whereas some "other" team proudly marched into the
playoffs with the same record, the Elephants are to proud of an
organization to accept this kind of welfare handout. Winning is a tradition
(along with loosing every championship game they play) for these guys - but
not this year. The Elephants coasted right through the season and never
truly got off the ground.
But then again, what Elephant does???
Matthew Barnaby Award: Young Guns
Talkin' the Talk, but not walkin' the walk!!! Look at me! I'm on the
sidelines, Bitch!!!!
Well, well, well... Knowing the Guns all too well, the smart money says the
Guns didn't just have a dress picked out for the big dance, but they had
already bought it weeks ago!!!! Sporting a lineup chock full of big money
players, most decided to mail it in this week. Coming up short by 1 point
no less! That's gotta hurt! Rumor has it that going into the playoffs,
Young Gun head office was struggling to meet payroll demands while building
a new stadium and practice facility last year. A well placed source
(wishing to remain anonymous) was quoted as saying the money simply "dried
up" the last few weeks. "How's we s'posed to be payin' fo all our bitches,
hoe's, possie's, mad gold, bail money, crack pipes, n shit like that when
they be no benjamins' rollin' in from da "man"??? Shit, dog!!! No pay,
no play! Management couldn't be reached for comment as they snuck out a
secret exit within the stadium complex. Our reporter knew Ron Mazur had
left the complex when someone driving a Mercedes tried to run him over. As
the vehicle sped by, "$$$ Capt. Core $$$" was clearly visible on the vanity
license plate.
We Won't Get Fooled Again Award: Rough Riders
What happened??? Say it ain't so??? I thought this was the year the Riders
actually lived up to the hype?? Being the perennial prom queen was to be
left behind. I guess something happened on the way to the Forum. After
squeaking into the playoffs the Rough Riders became the Roughly Ridden -
And, the ultimate insult, by a punk ass rookie team!! The established
membership of the league counted on you to put the rookie in his place and
what did you do??? You shit the bed and crushed us. Never again will be
misled by your deception. It was all there for you - respect, admiration,
even kudos from the Rhino...
But what did you do??? You traded all that for a meeting with the bulb
man!!!!! Et tu, Brutae??
Blinded By The Light Award:Dynamic Duo
I'm the best, but everyone else sucks!!!
Sporting a 4W 9L record, the Duo proudly sandbagged their way into the
playoffs and then decided to turn their game up a notch. Having been gifted
the award of residing in the same division as the Riders and the "down on
their luck" Elephants, the Duo rode this good fortune right into a playoff
berth. Toss in the timely "adroit" move or two... Someone had to represent
the division, so here they are. It's like saying "I have the nicest home on
my block", but in reality, your house is only worth $25,000. Some would
liken this to the "pick your poison" scenario... Smallpox, Anthrax, or
Ebola???? I guess we get the Anthrax.