2000 SFFL RANT!

Congradulations to THRAK. That is, unless the SL kicker has a day similar to Christie's.
Invaders
- Monday, December 18, 2000 at 09:16:31 (EST)
The 'Guns just didn't have the bullets to take down thrak. We offer our Southern brother luck in this week's Championship game.
YoungGuns
- Wednesday, December 13, 2000 at 14:12:34 (EST)
Three Years in a row!!!!!!!!!!!! Go Elephants
Son
- Tuesday, December 12, 2000 at 09:41:59 (EST)
Congratulations to THRAK and the Elephants on their respective Division Championships. This week they play for all of the marbles, or in this case the marble-less Joe Barbie Trophy! Sure glad we worked out a tie breaker for the playoffs as we came extremely close to having to rely on them. Could someone please check on the Rough Riders? I'd hate to see them drown in their very own tears after what has to be a heartbreaking one point loss.
-LAC
- Tuesday, December 12, 2000 at 08:14:51 (EST)
FYI...The Record Book, Schedule, & Lifetime Standings have been updated through the end of the 2000 regular season.
-LAC
- Tuesday, November 28, 2000 at 08:32:42 (EST)
The Riders are going into the playoffs this year on top! Please don't wake me out of this dream! This has been a great year for me. One lost out of the last ten games! "Show me the money!"
Riders
- Monday, November 27, 2000 at 22:03:19 (EST)
Len & all,

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-LAC
- Tuesday, November 14, 2000 at 14:31:40 (EST)


The Elephants and the Young Guns have wrapped up playoff spots.
Len
- Tuesday, November 14, 2000 at 07:57:05 (EST)
What does a team need to do to be able to get its rant in special fonts, bold face letters or multicolor text?
Fighting Lounge Chairs
- Tuesday, November 14, 2000 at 07:53:56 (EST)
Has anybody heard from the Hacker camp? Sorry Brother-in-law for sticking it to you, when your down and out with back injuries. If you need to rest, you might want to go to the South side and play teams like the Parts!
Riders
- Monday, November 13, 2000 at 16:21:49 (EST)
Thanks Beavers for kicking ASS this week!, But your mine this coming week!
Riders
- Monday, November 13, 2000 at 16:12:41 (EST)
How interesting ... The Parts beat the Chairs and refuse to go away!! It looks as if, The last spot for both divisions will go down to the last quarter of the last game. Buckle your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy ride.
YoungGuns
- Monday, November 13, 2000 at 13:13:28 (EST)
Mr. Guidi was so kind to send the following e-mail to the THRAK Football Enterprises offices late today.

Larry Guidi wrote:

After reading the Thrak BIO, I was wondering if Thrak is on the NYSE. It sounds like the price should be just right for a buy-out. Making it to the playoffs 4 years out of 5, and never making if to the big game. Even the Buffalo Bills did better then that.

I do have to say one positive thing about the club. Your marketing dept. does a good job marketing the team. I see the color of your Helmets. I was wondering what color your dresses are ( I mean jerseys). Does the all-mighty team wear cleats or high heals is the question.

Later

The Squonk looking to squish the all-mighty Thrak this weekend!!!


THRAK Football Enterprises' response:

Dear Mr. Guidi,

It is nice to see you cowering behind your e-mail client. It is also refreshing to see that you waited until the very last of the day to spew forth your line of SQUONK! We here at THRAK Football Enterprises are very proud of our heritage. Our organization is steeped in traditions that a young startup such as SQUONK has no concept of. I'm happy to see that you visited our web site and explored some of the depth of our traditions. Maybe I will visit your web site sometime in the near future. What? Oh, you don't have one? I'm sorry to hear that. Did I mention that THRAK was the first SFFL team to have a web presence? I'm sure you culled that from your visit to our site. I believe if you inquire with the SFFL League office, they would be more than willing to offer you assistance in gaining a web presence of your own.

Unfortunately for you, THRAK Football Enterprises is not a publicly traded entity, nor are we currently entertaining buy-out offers. We are a fully privately held and funded organization. If you would like, I could add you to our IPO list. This will allow you to secure your place in line for our IPO when it is issued. Don't miss out on this valuable investment opportunity! Many football investors make the same mistake you made of buying into a young, failing organization. This allows one to easily worm their way into an organization, and often the team responds by jumping out with a fast start, but often fades as the season progresses. You see it often. You see it everyday. You see others go to the playoffs to reap the riches and rewards of their dedicated effort to build a program, not a one hit wonder. You can see this just by looking at a teams lifetime achievements. For example:

THRAK has a .559 record against currently active teams and a lifetime .531 average. Including this season --where incidently we have a whopping .700 average-- THRAK has only finished below .500 twice. There are teams out there with better records --most notably the Elephants-- but this is far better that most teams.

SQUONK on the other hand has a dismal .261 average against currently active teams. Although they are a passable, .500 this season they are hardly a force to be dealt with. If you visit the SFFL Historical Archive's you may want to reduce the brightness level on your monitor to avoid being blinded by the overwhelming amount of RED ink that you see! Then again, maybe the rose colored glasses you are looking through will blind you from the cold hard facts of reality.

Our marketing department, although small IS highly effective. I often wonder how so few, can do so much. And the quality of their work is second to none! I'm very proud of them and I thank you for acknowledging their efforts. I will pass your kind words on to them.

Regardless of your lowly opinion of the THRAK uniforms, you can't hide behind the cold truth: SQUONK=SQUAT. And once again, this fact will be pointed out to you this coming weekend.


Kind Regards,

Kevin L. Papendick
President, CEO, COO, CFO and Owner
THRAK Football Enterprises

- Friday, November 10, 2000 at 19:14:36 (EST)
The Hackers look like this year's genius owner of the year by grabbing both of my picks for "Steal" of this season's draft. No other team can touch: Terrell Owens at pick #102. His Ron Dayne pick in slot #42 was my runner-up. "Bust" of the draft, barring injury ... see YoungGuns' draft board, was Keyshawn 'I can't seem catch a ball' Johnson by Mr. Beaver at pick #23. ~ Ouch! Keyshawn was sent packing from Beaver's roster shortly after press conference 1,894. FLC's #30 pick of Enis was a disappointment, too. Who would have known?
YoungGuns
- Friday, November 10, 2000 at 13:01:14 (EST)
This looks to be an incredible week for Fantasy football league-wide. Every game is extremely important as the season begins to wind down but, this week hosts the matchups which pit teams perfectly. Did the Mighty Commish have a crystal ball polished up for week 11? He might have because this week's battles ROCK!! Maybe the Commish could have warned the 'Guns about 'Dorothy' Levens. He has to be the absolutely, hands-down bust of this year's SFFL draft. Was there a bigger bust than her? I mean him. I think, I was right the first time! Speaking of which, who was this year's Solid Gold pick of the draft? Although, the YoungGuns can't boast they had the "steal" of the draft, we were very happy snagging Rod Smith with our late pick.
YoungGuns
- Friday, November 10, 2000 at 12:32:12 (EST)
Did you know that the average winning percentage of the...
 
  North Division: .428
 
  South Division: .536
 
  And every team in the South Division has a winning record against the North Division. And further, FLC is the only team in the South with an overall losing record. How 'bout that? See what wonderful things you learn if you just rummage around in the Historical Archives occassionally...

-THRAK
- Wednesday, November 08, 2000 at 12:58:16 (EST)
In reference to the Elephants e-mail regarding whooping on the South division, you boys up North have a ways to go before you catch up...
  Lifetime post week 10:
 
  North: 62-74-2 (.457) South: 74-62-2 (.543)
  The South gained a little ground in the past two weeks. Even with a stellar run to the end of the season you won't catch up. You will need to repeat this amazing feat again next year. This means you will need to learn a new word: CONSISTENCY Something that the South is lacking this year, but at least knows what it is from whipping down on you guys in the past. If you are looking to point the finger, the Rough Riders were the early slags and SQUONK certainly helped out last year! You can also thank them for the spectacular win percentage you have Elephants. We won't even discuss what this would look like if you throw out the Millionaire Pond Scum's iron fisted grip on the league when he was here. The record page will be updated within the next day as will the lifetime standings. The Rough Riders are in for their winning streak and the Elephants are a win away from going in again also.

-LAC
- Tuesday, November 07, 2000 at 15:51:37 (EST)
Mr. Rough Rider how is that sore butt htis morning. Let me give you some mathimatical relieve for your pain this morning, if you had Carolina Kicker you would gain 7 more points and that will give you 68 points total and if I did not have Carolina Kicker and assuming my any other kicker came out with ZERO point for me that will give me 71 points total. Guess what I still kicked your Ass.
Elephants
- Tuesday, November 07, 2000 at 08:30:06 (EST)
thrak, you can unclench your butt cheeks now: you made it through a week against the YoungGuns. And you won! :insert golf clap here: So, since you won, I see you crawled out from under your punk-ass rock you were hiding under. Where were your comments 'before' the game, though? Thought you might say something you weren't going to back up perhaps?? ~ That's what I thought. p.s.-Enjoy first place while it lasts; We enjoyed it ... for how many weeks in a row was it?
YoungGuns
- Tuesday, November 07, 2000 at 05:50:31 (EST)
Hey rough riders... sorry.... we just couldn't let you own the record for longest winning streak.... go elephants!
son of Elephants
- Monday, November 06, 2000 at 18:54:59 (EST)
Assuming the Young Guns at THRAK score holds up tonight, and since it is Ahman Green vs. Robert Smith at RB, that is highly likely, THRAK will become the first SFFL team this season to clinch a playoff spot!
Len Swiat
- Monday, November 06, 2000 at 08:13:00 (EST)
Hey Young Guns, cat got your tongue? I know he doesn't have your ass because the mighty THRAK does!
THRAK!
- Monday, November 06, 2000 at 08:02:51 (EST)
Are the Elephants ready for another bitch slapping like the Rough Riders gave you in week 5? No.. No.. I don't mean no disrespect, you did score 38 points that day! Enjoy that number one ranking for the last time this season!
Riders
- Thursday, November 02, 2000 at 22:12:36 (EST)
The Young Guns can demand all they want. OK, now hold out your hand while the Rhino drops a few nuggets for you. There's your demand. The Guns beat THRAK convincingly in their first meeting of the season. At that time THRAK was probably a better team having an off week. Since that time the Young Guns have been a better team. Their big trade with the Rough Riders was an important part of that improvement. I believe all would have to agree that that trade has been of greater benefit to the Rough Riders though. The Rhino did not want to be seen as a "homer", thus his request of Harry Pelzer to provide his call. The Rhino believes that the Young Guns are deserving of their current ranking in the South Division and will in all likelyhood maintain it possibly into or through the Cross-Dressed Championship. It's still a long road though and a lot can happen. As great as the Guns think they are, they must realize that they are not substantially better than THRAK or this week wouldn't be a battle for the top spot in the division. Regardless of THRAK's recent trade move, based upon this week's schedule the Rhino's divine vision see's THRAK at a slight advantage this week. I picked THRAK to win by one point, not double digits. This game could go either direction and probably will be decided by a much greater margin. There's a lot of factor that play into the outcome of a game...the biggest being the luck of the draw. Since my return the Rhino has been picking at a sad .333 rate. Thanks to THRAK not covering the point spread last week, he just missed 3-2. So you are correct that thus far this season, being picked to win by the Rhino has been the "Kiss of Death". Just ask the Elephants last three opponents. Surely the Elephants are cringing at being picked to win this week. Moving on...I speak frequently to the THRAK office thus I believe I can shed some light on their trade with SQUONK. THRAK's primary objective was to upgrade their running game. Picking up Robert Smith would seem to fill that desire, but time will tell. Who know's, he could get hurt on the first play this week and be done for the season. Everytime a player takes the field, he risks a season and/or career ending injury. As for the Guns assertion that Jimmy Smith constitutes a possible downgrade for THRAK, where did you get your information from? Did you speak to Tom Coughlin this morning? Are you privey to inside information? Mr. J. Smith has been banged around a bit this season, but you will not find him on any injury report. His being on a bye does not really affect the team that THRAK will field this week as they still have Tory Holt and Tim Brown to "fall back on"...as they have in may winning efforts this season. Mr. Smith may not even be a starter on this team even if he is healthy. So now I kindly request that the Guns shut the F* up, kiss my large grey ass, and prove me wrong.
The Rhino
- Thursday, November 02, 2000 at 08:07:39 (EST)
I demand a re-count on the Rhino page! There were movements made by both teams to upgrade the match-up; or downgrade, by thrak's move to get an injured player on a bye. I certainly hope Mr. thrak isn't looking past the YoungGuns. On second thought, hasn't the Rhino's picks been the Kiss of Death this year? Either way thrak, the YoungGuns wouldn't want it any other way ... It's almost dinnertime, we're hungry, and you are the only thing on our menu this week!
YoungGuns
- Thursday, November 02, 2000 at 06:58:52 (EST)
Even though one might think that I have no business being here, I can't help but instill that the Invaders are positioned to start a late season surge. After losing a close game to the Beavers -well, close by our standards- and I am not embarrassed to say that this is not the first time we've been "beaver-whipped", our team has started to solidify and make a run for the playoffs. Once that happens, it's a whole new season and a 3 game run to our second consectutive league championship is inevitable....or not.
Invaders
- Tuesday, October 31, 2000 at 12:48:28 (EST)
Six wins in a row, and how happy am I, that Private Parts was my bitch! Hey, This is fun!! Talking shit and not hearing anything back. Oh, that's because I still have my strap-on in the Parts mouth. Sorry! Private's could you clean it up before you hand it to the Elelpants this week!!!
Riders
- Tuesday, October 31, 2000 at 08:58:05 (EST)
Congratulations to the Rough Riders on their remarkable 6 game winning streak. This ties them with the all-time best. A win this week will put them a the top of a very honorable list...for a change!
LAC
- Tuesday, October 31, 2000 at 07:49:30 (EST)
Elephants are also looking forward to meet Young Gun again. At this moment Elepants beaten every South Team this year and brought back the glory of the north division. Elephants has lost only divisional games and that tells story of the weak South division. Next four divisonal games are very crucial.
Elephants
- Monday, October 30, 2000 at 15:24:03 (EST)
The 'Guns got whomped by the Elephants this week ... "Medicine Taken" but, I have a feeling these teams will meet again later this year for a little 'YoungGuns Revenge'! As for this week's matchup with 'Quack', I mean , it'll be more of what the league has come accustom to this year when the YoungGuns step up to a divisional game... A RHINO "LOCK OF THE WEEK!!"
'Guns
- Monday, October 30, 2000 at 12:19:55 (EST)
Pardon me, it Young Guns at Thrak
Len Swiat
- Monday, October 30, 2000 at 10:13:06 (EST)
Next week's Thrak at Young Guns game looms large. The Guns can sew up a playoff spot with a win. If the Guns win they can at WORST go 7-6 with a 6-2 division record, while the Invaders can at best go 7-6 with a 5-3 division record. The Fighting Lounge Chairs and Private's Parts already are in no position to affect the Guns playoff chances
Len Swiat
- Monday, October 30, 2000 at 10:10:09 (EST)
The Lord Almighty Commish posts stats ASAP on Monday and Tuesday mornings. He does not arrive at work until 7:30am, and barring an emergency generally posts stats by 8am. On average you will find that stats are post at about 7:50am. If whomever is unhappy about this feels they can do a better job, please speak up. I'd be more than willing to step aside.
LAC
- Monday, October 30, 2000 at 09:27:33 (EST)
It's 7:30am and still no results are posted. You're supposed to set your clock back one hour, not two!
Lazy Ass Commish
- Monday, October 30, 2000 at 07:32:57 (EST)
GO ELEPHANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....
VP of elephants
- Sunday, October 29, 2000 at 14:13:39 (EST)
I think it is the time for Private to stand their parts and give a ride to the Rough Rider of their life. 10/24/00
Elephants
- Tuesday, October 24, 2000 at 08:52:58 (EDT)
I'd like to dole some shit to the Parts also, but being that "1" in the "W" column I must disqualify myself. We'll see what happens in our second match up this season. But if history is a clue I'm in trouble...3-10 lifetime. As Private so eloquently puts it: You are my bitch. Unfortunately I can hardly argue...but the rest of you feel free to baste away! ;)
THRAK
- Monday, October 23, 2000 at 15:45:55 (EDT)
I don't want to jinks myself, but what the hell happen to the parts from 2 years ago. If I had to play anybody this coming week, I would have picked the ah....ah....only team to have won ONE game this year! If you lose any more games this year, I'm going to vote we change your team name from Private's Parts to No ball's, or TWO PUTZ!!!!! Is't about time, I can give some shit out..... Riders
Riders
- Monday, October 23, 2000 at 12:31:51 (EDT)
Congratulations to the Rough Riders on their 5 game winning streak. This assures you a place in the record book. For once it's for something admirable instead of feebleness! Win next week and you tie the all time best of 6 straight wins.
-LAC
- Monday, October 23, 2000 at 07:46:31 (EDT)
Congratulation to the Parts on sneaking up on the Beavers and giving them a nice WET kiss! Don't worry, I've already updated the archives to make note of this historic event. This is the highest scoring tie (107) to date. The Lifetime Standing will be updated later this week along with an update to the 2000 season entry of the Origins document. Is anyone going to step up enough this season to shut the Guns up? Things are starting to get interesting...even the Riders are a contender, imagine that!
-LAC
- Tuesday, October 17, 2000 at 13:17:46 (EDT)
I'll make it short and sweet: As soon as the YoungGuns get their runningback situation in order, "The SFFL will be ours!". The YoungGuns own the South this year, 4-0 (so far), and EVERYBODY KNOWS that is the better division!
YoungGuns - (Tom)
- Friday, October 13, 2000 at 19:27:53 (EDT)
Well, well, well - Here we sit after six weeks. I'm not going to give a lot of trash talking. But then again I don't really deserve to do any trash talking, but I will! Who had the high scoring team this week - without even playing I. Bruce???? Hackers better luck later in the season! Up coming week - Invaders(2-4) Your best week so far you scored 65. Do you want me to set Bruce this week again? If you pay my league fees I'll think about!!! How many wins in a row is the record??? I believe in the archives it's 6 or 7 weeks, but thats for only a couple of years worth. Looking for some trash back! Is anybody home????
Riders
- Tuesday, October 10, 2000 at 15:51:26 (EDT)
As much as this trade pissed me off -because having just lost you and you're in the drivers seat- I have to say it really did make sense. You had 3 good receivers so you sacrified one to upgrade another position, QB. That said, it actually was probably a better deal for the Rough Riders. They get a top flight WR and only take a small downgrade at QB. He's taking a chance, but he's lagging behind and needed to do something before it was too late. He may regret it later if Garcia comes back down to earth, but based upon his track record this was a very good decision to roll the dice. But then again this is the Rough Riders and they do some pretty silly things....like waiving Fred Taylor! Why? He's just now starting to come back and should shake some of the rust in a few weeks...if he stays healthy.
THRAK
- Friday, October 06, 2000 at 12:17:05 (EDT)
Speaking of the recent trade... I feel as if the trade was VERY even: (Rough Riders received> Bruce (#1 Wr)& San Fran Qb (#2 Qb: Currently only 6pts away from #1) <|||> (YoungGuns received> St. Louis Qb (currently #1 Qb)& Wr - Carter(currently fell off the face of the Earth at #43!!) So basically, this was a 'Two Top-Flight Players for One' Deal. [One owner mentioned to me this trade was a 'Steal'in favor of the 'Guns ...] Question to the Masses: What do 'You' think? Was the trade: Even, Favored the 'Guns, Favored the Riders.
YoungGuns - Tom
- Friday, October 06, 2000 at 10:51:17 (EDT)
OK, Let's see if this gets things rolling... I got this message this morning from the Young Guns who appear to be very full of themselves...anybody care to comment: The YoungGuns/Rough Riders trade involved the three top players in the league; It is truly a BLOCKBUSTER!! What was the the biggest trade to come across your desk?
LAC
- Thursday, October 05, 2000 at 12:27:46 (EDT)
Welcome to the SFFL RANT! This is an unfiltered, full bore, wide open message board. Please feel free to post you rantings here. I don't want to nor intend to moderate this message board, so please observe common limits of decency ala the Rhino.
Lord Almighty Commish!
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